Lips Like Morphine

I wanna rob a bank.

No really.

100% serious.

I want to rob a bank.

And it will be epic.

But for now I just really want to pass my finals this week, so the bank robbing will have to be put on hold.

Bummer...

But even more importantly than that: I need a cigarette... Damn nicotine.. so addictive and awesome and I really want one really really bad....

Damn not having money..

*bitch complain whine bitch bitch*

Not a good week.

C'est la vie.

and rememeber: Don't drink the purple kool aid.

The Face Inside Is Right Beneath My Skin

Happy Birthday me!

Eh, 19 isn't all that exciting, but in the word's of the famous Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan: "Party On Dudes!"

Got my second Tattoo sunday, hurt like a bitch. Never again on the neck, never again... but knowing myself like I do, It'll happen again.

Had a freaky Freddy Krouger dream... it was weird. Like he was sitting there as the date of my death was being told to me by some possessed chick and I wasn't supposed to tell him because he was supposed to guess.

Crazy huh?

Well personally I was ok with the ETD that I got: November 11, 2086.

Yeah, it's about time for me to die at that point.
I know, i know, just a dream, but let me tell yha, freaky none the less my friends. Made me wake up far too early.

There's just something unappealing about 6:30 am. Like: it just sounds like a shitty time, yha feel me?

11am sounds MUCH MORE SANE.

Don't really wanna get outta bed, putting it off actually. Not going to Bio Lab today: once again the unappealingness of the frigid morning is getting to me. Besides, My bed is warm and toasty.

FYI: The new Three Days Grace albulm, "Life Starts Now"= amazing.

One of the first albulm's in a long time that I can go through the whole CD and listen to every single song, over and over; learn all the lyrics, and enjoy them every single time.

I don't think that I've been able to say that since Linkin Park's "Hybrid Theory". (1997-98?) Wow...

Just thinking about those dates.... man; I feel old today.

19. I survived 19 years on this planet.

This is better than surviving 18; and 20 will be better than this.

Only 364 and 1/4 days til then.
Oooo! And 728 and 1/2 days til I'm 21!!!!

Wait: 728?... Thanksgiving break suddenly seems a lot closer...

Hate Thanksgiving- BTdubbs.(BTW)

There's just something so.. how do I say this without seeming like I hate the U.S.... it's so damn American!
I mean really? A full 3 days dedicated to devouring food? Only in America would that really be considered a holiday. Sure, we broke bread with native americans: then we ravaged their land. Sure we survived our first year: but do we really need to do this every year?

Relatives man.

I love my family...
for the first two days I see them.

Then...
I want to kill them all in their sleep. (What is it with me and Freddy Krouger today man?)

Ok well I'm going back to sleep: I believe Mr. Krouger was about to reveal HOW I will die, which should be absolutely facinating, me loving blood and guts and dead bodies and all.

Till then.

And remember: 9 - 10 Never sleep again ;)

Oh My Beautiful One...

Ahhh... I wake up to the beautiful, yet blaring, sound of Johnathan Davis's voice coming from the speakers. Good old Korn; so reliable when it comes to getting my ass out of bed every morning.  I lay in bed for a moment; the moment chill feels good and relaxing in a odd way. I lean over to the window by my bed and see those tiny white flakes of snow drifting down, blanketing the ground.
Today will be a good day.

I groggily get out of bed, shower, get dressed and get ready for my first class: Good old Biology lab at 8 am. The time doesn't even bother me, I love Biology so damn much! As I walk into the dining hall my life gets better as I grab my daily bowl of Captain Crunch/ Coco Puffs blend (Don't knock it til you try it!).

What makes the day even better to see that my good friends have saved me a spot. They laugh at how tired I am after staying up until 4 am to study for my Calculus test: But i'm not worried, I am already resolved to dropping the class due to it's ability to consume everything else going on in my life.

I get a text from my amazing boyfriend, "Morning baby, I hope you slept well. Call you after work. I love you, MWA!" I smile and send one back telling him I love him and I hope the day goes well for him. My day is off to a good start so far and I am optimistic about the next 24 hours.

As I leave the cafeteria I pause to light my morning cigarette: the first one in the morning is the bed because of the amazing buzz that I get. I exhale deeply and set off to biology. I have three guys as lab partners, but they're very bright and we're doing a study on pea plants, they chose the topic.

Yes I laughed too. Three guys choosing to work with plants for a project, but one of them is a horticulture major and another is a pot-head; so to them plants are facinating. I know nothing of plants. Ask me about dead bodies, or muscles, or blood, or genetics and I can whip out an answer for you. But I'm not the person to go to for fertilizer.

I take my place at the table: they are very nice and accepting. We fall into an easy chatter for the next two hours while debating the effects of Nitrogen on plants. One of them likes Linkin Park, so we chat about how amazing their music is, and about Chester Bennington's new band, Dead By Sunrise. The time passes quickly.

I leave and move on to my Mysteries of the Sky Class. It's under the "Physics" department, but honestly, it's more like astology meets astrnomy. I like it. I settle into my chair and my friend Ashley sits next to me. We talk about the Army, she's in ROTC. I'm an Air Force brat so naturally we hound each other about how much the other person sucks, all the while laughing at the guy in the Navy sweatshirt sitting in front of us.

The snow has turned to rain, but I enjoy the rain. I go back to my dorm room and do homework with my roomate, Carol. We get a long well and I don't think I could've found someone as dorky, yet amazing as myself, to room with. We go to lunch and I make my way to Biology Lecture. I settle in for the next 90 minutes to hear the man, who looks like Mr. Garrioson from South Park, talk about evolution and natural selection. I find the ironic. I laugh. I go back to my room, compleate the homework assigned and dick around on Facebook for a while.

Then I go to my friend Casey's room and my friends Gwen and Kaylee are there as well. We laugh, and though we are too old to watch it, we lay on the couch in Casey's room and watch Treasure Planet. We decide to play a game where we choose which character we'd be.

Casey is Morph; the little bloby thingy, because he's funny and sweet and very much ADHD.
Kaylee is the dog/scientist/guy ( Forgive me for not remembering the name) because she is smart, but clumsy.
Gwen is Ben, the robot with the missing piece of his mind: aka: Gwen.
They decided that I was Silver, the cyborg; you know the antagonist. I asked why.
They told me it was because I was so tough on the outside, but I was still a good person on the inside. I told them go fuck yourselves. They laughed and tackeled me until I submitted, while I was in a headlock mind you, that I was a good person on the inside and I loved spinich flavored cookies (I may or may not be a good person, but I sure as hell don't like spinich cookies).

Ahhh.. today is a good day. I go home at around 3 am and collapse on my bed, my roomie is already sleeping peacefully and doesn't notice. I read my e-mail tentatively and realize that my only free night of the week has now officially been taken away from me by the Appeal Board that I'm on at school.

Lovely...

If only everyday was this simple. A lot of bad happened that day. But I choose to pick out the good things that happened. I didn't think about the fight my boyfriend and I got into that had ended our relationship, or the fact that I had pissed off my boss and may lose my job, or the fact that I may lose my scholarship because I haven't been getting credit for a Chemistry class I was taking due to human error, or the fact that my mother had called me to tell me that I was a waste of life again.

No. Why? Even though it'd be realistic to look at the positive all the time; it wasn't a way to live.

So just a note to all: find that balance in life. See the joy in the small things and use those to outweigh the big ones. There is always something good to be said about every shitty day.

And remember: No glove, no love.

Thanks to all who read!

Life... Oh boy....

Ok so I'm not an expert on life, or people, or anything in general really. To call anyone an expert means that they know everything about what they're talking about... That's confusing... anyways: I'm not an expert. I'm not a wise sage, I'm not even over 20. But the fact of the matter is that the more mature I get, the more I start to realize about life.

I'm in college and I would've thought that all the high-school drama, whining and hating life would stop. But of course life doesn't work that way. I know people, who are in college, who are SMART, young and generally lucky in life; and they sit here and get all depressed and suicidal over the smallest stuff. (This is in no means an attack on anyone who HAS depression, or who has had serious suicidal thoughts; and I in no means want to offend anyone.)

But all these young kids who are lucky enough to go to college, who are lucky enough to be born in America, who complain how much they hate life. We all have issues, some worse than others. But whenever I fail an exam and think of how shitty that is, I realize that that's honestly the worst of my problems and count my blessings.

I have a friend, whom I have known for only a month or so and she has been calling me and scaring me half to death nearly every night. It'll be 1 am and I'll be studying for the latest test and I'll get a phone call that's goes like this:

Me: (Happy cheery, slightly tired) "Ello lovely!"
Them: "OMIGOD I AM JUST O UPSET I JUSDON KNOW WHATO DO!"
Me: "Relax, it'll be ok. What happened? Who's ass needs kicking?"
Them: "I DUNNO, IT'S JUST SO BAD, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, WHAT HAPPENED!......(insert incohearent babbling here)...I JUST WANNA DIE! I JUST WANT TO END IT ALL!...(more incohearent babbling)...WILL YOU MEET ME OUTSIDE SO WE CAN TALK, IF IS STAY ALONE I'LL KILL MYSELF, I REALLY WILL!"
Me: "Of course, just relax princess." Now I'm always concerned when someone says that they're going to kill themselves. Even if  I know that in the morning everything will be ok, I just never want to take that chance.

When I get outside it turns out to be a false alarm and she just wanted someone to smoke with. She claims to have a huge issue and I'm trying to believe her, but it's hard when I get fucked up phone calls that turn out to be false alarms: If she really just wanted me to smoke with her, she could've just asked. Easy. I'd have said yes.

Now this girl is from a upper-middle class family and hasn't been subjected to a day of real work in her life. And yet every five minutes she claiming she wants to die.

REALLY? THIS IS WHAT MY GENERATION IS LIKE???

My God. What are kids on these days? Last time I looked it was just Mary-Jane and booze! I'm not saying that my whole generation is full of people like my friend, but a good chunk....
A good enough chunk to make us all look immature and granted-taking anyways.

So this is just a little note to everyone: There are problems, and then there are problems:
Know the difference:
-Failing a test isn't a big deal.
-Breaking up with a boyfriend/ girlfriend sucks, but it's never the end of life.
-Getting caught picking your nose isn't a problem; it's jut gross.

On the other hand:
-Having your house burnt down is a problem
-Having a threat on your life everyday is a problem.

-Never being able to reproduce... well for some people that may be a good thing...

So a word to the 25 and younger generation:
Suck it up. Life sucks: but life is full of fun, you just have to find it.

And remember: always have a designated driver.

Thanks to all who read! Comments: both criticizing and congratulating are welcomed.