Sadistically Cynical

Fuck, I'm so done. I'm just so fucking done pretending that everything's alright. I walk around with a huge fucking grin on my face like sunshine comes out my fucking ass because I have to. You know what I realized today? I don't have to. I don't have to pretend that I'm okay just because that's what I believe society wants to see. I don't wanna push my problems on anyone, but I'm sick and tired of hiding the fact that I'm so pissed off all the time. Maybe I want someone to save me? Or maybe I just want everyone to shut the fuck up and fuck off? I'm not sure yet, but either way, I'm done.
Why should it matter that I'm a bit on the sadistic side? So maybe I'm a fucking sociopath. I sure as hell don't give a flying fuck; hell, I enjoy it. Yeah sure, manipulation's a great thing: but it has it's own set of unwanted repercussions. People expect something out of me, well fuck you all. If I need your help and I don't promise anything, just simply smile and act friendly to get you to help me out with something; you shouldn't fucking expect anything in return. That's your own dumb ass fault for fucking helping me in the first place.

I recently started talking again with this guy I vaguely knew in high school. Just chattin' and he might have this crush on me (that's what it seems like anyways). But he told me that I was a 'legit' and 'honest' person yesterday. Does he even realize that I'm subconsciously manipulating him? I doubt it. I should feel bad. But I don't. I just sit there and smile because I'm getting away with it.

So from now on, fuck pretending like I'm alright.