Excuse the Hell Out of Me

Ok, I hate ranting.

No, seriously, I love to rant: I just hate it when everyone else does it.
So, I grew up in a big town/small city that was suburb of a big city. I'm used to rude assholes.

However, I go to college in Montana. With a population of less than 1,000,000 people in the state, the city I live in probably has a third of state's population... no, that's a filthy lie... probably close to 20,000... anyways, small town. Filled with pot-smoking liberal arts majors and pot smoking old people; Bozeman, MT is the bombest place I know. *DISCLAIMER: I do not smoke pot... nor am I a liberal arts major... nor am I old...what the hell am I in Bozeman for then?*
Anyways...

People in Bozo are pretty mild-mannered and polite, when they aren't out drinking. If you ever want to know what Bozo is like without actually going to the middle of butt-fuck nowhere: It's a lot like Boulder, Colorado was 20 years ago. Except the mountains are surrounding the city. It's tight.

But I'm currently in Alexandria, VA and there's a few things I would like to say to the people here:

1.) Fuck you
      - These rude-ass snotty mother fuckers are some of the worst people I've ever had to deal with. I don't give two shits how bad it sucks to be living in the capitol of the United States of America and it's surroundings; Have some fucking respect. People living here have no fucking problem screwing everyone else over. I'm pretty sure that this nation was not founded on a pissing contest to see who could be the biggest douche-bag on capitol hill.

2.) Learn to drive, assholes
      - I swear to fucking god, driving here is the worst. I've driven in many states, but Virginia certainly wins the 'fucked up drivers' award. Despite the fact that the speed limit is 35mph EVERYFUCKINGWHERE (which in itself is enough to piss me and my lead-foot off), These assholes a.) don't know what the fuck a turn signal is b.) fail to use their rear/side view mirrors c.) pay no attention whatsoever to traffic signs, cops, pedestrians, cyclists and God-Mother-Fucking-Zilla. They like to drive with their heads up their asses.

3.) *Keep in mind that I am not racist* Learn to speak English, for the love of god.
     - I'm not racist, I love immigrants. We're all immigrants as far as I'm concerned, but I wouldn't go to France and not know how to speak French. I wouldn't go to Mexico and not know how to speak Spanish. I wouldn't go to Italy and not know how to say "fuck" (cazzo). I don't care that you live here and I don't care what your nationality is, just for the love of god, know how to speak english.

4.) No soccer mom, you may not bring your Fuck Trophies into Crystal's sex shop with you.
     -Anywhere I go, no matter where, I see blond bimbo stay at home mommies with six or seven brats following them around. Fucking hell ladies, a porn shop is not an appropriate place for kids (Don't ask me what I was doing there...) But I shit you not. I was there just for shits and gigs and these two ladies come in with ten kids between the two of them. They probably wanted to 'spice up' their sex lives... so they could have more fucking children... assholes. But really, who brings kids into a sex shop? I mean, hell if these kids where 14, I may not have cared, good for curious tweens who wanna learn about the kinkier side of things; but the youngest was probably two (had NO fucking clue what was going on either) and the oldest, 11. I can only imagine the questions these kids had...
"Mommy, what's this? And why does it have a smiley face on it?"
"What's an 'Inflatable granny doll'? Is this what happened to gramma after she died?"
"Why are you buying a whip?"

Oh yeah... loads of fun.